Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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