Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
