Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
