so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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