So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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