from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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