covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize