I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
