He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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