he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
