I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
