but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
