her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
