i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
