Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Can't talk, ducks in the car
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
