I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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