she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
