my vag is so smooth its legendary
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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