Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
