I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
