I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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