my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
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I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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