yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wish i was in the wii world.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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