Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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