Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
