I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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