I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My liver just had a heart attack.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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