I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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