i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
