when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
