Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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