I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
