Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
