I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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