Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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