I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
