this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
