Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
