I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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