i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
