I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
