We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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