hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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