Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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