actually, I'm a sock model
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
