Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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