You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
