i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You pole danced in your parka.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
