It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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