just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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