your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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