You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
