is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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