Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
