My nipple is on Facebook.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
