he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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