And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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