He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
