it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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