she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
