so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Sober January is a disaster.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
